Grumpy Carson

Some things about Carson that I want to write down, uh, metaphorically.Whatever.

He currently has some drainage/sinus stuff that caused an ear infection. I think that makes ear infection number 2. When we got back from the hospital, poor kiddo was "sick".  I use that term very loosely, because I don't consider sick really sick unless it's contagious and he isn't. Thank you, Jesus.

So he's pretty grumpy and on medicine. What I mean to say, is that he is acting almost unbearable. I can't even handle him right now.  Folks, that's the first time ever. He's also hit the toddler phase where EVERYTHING hurts his feelings. Everything. I could hand him a cookie and he'd throw his body to the floor, cry his heart out then stand up, take the cookie, say "thank you" and proceed to eat it like nothing ever happened.

Shoot me in my face please.

Now he's all huge and looks like a kid and he's heavy.  I've almost dropped him twice since I've been back.

This whole "finding a new routine" thing is almost impossible with his feelings and his ear. We're exhausted and it's really because of him. I just wish he would get better so we can get over the hard part.

He is all about his little sister.  He wants to kiss her and lay his head on her and hug her all the time. He wants to pat her and all that business.  It's nice until he presses too hard on her face or squeezes her.

They cry off each other during night time. She'll cry and and it will wake him up.  Vice-versa. 

He also looks like a hot mess. He needs a hair cut, Tim wants him to get a faded buzz to match him and so that's what he'll get.  Now I just have to take him.

Looks are deceiving

Twins...

I keep going between wanting someone to take him and go somewhere to knowing that's one reason he's so clingy right now. We have left him too much this past month, he's not used to it and neither am I. It would be nice to have some break though.  I don't know what I'm going to do when Tim goes back to work next week, because really, he's been taking care of him most of the time.

Madeline Amelia

Peeking

This little creature is just amazing. She is the sweetest thing I think I have created so far. She's so little and cuddly, but she can lay by herself for a long time. When we nap, she curls up close to me, as close as she can get and lays on her side with her fists on either side of her face and sleeps for hours.

Sisters!

She has pretty blue eyes that will probably turn brown, but I'm still holding out.
Her facial features are obviously girly and a little mousy. She has my lips and chin and I think she has Tim's eyebrows. I'm not sure what else is who's beyond that.

 She has very long fingers and the most beautiful, long nail-beds. She has long feet that remind me of a rabbit foot.

Her belly is getting big.

Size Reference

She looks like such a Madeline. I feel we did a great job naming her. I can't wait to get her the Madeline books.  In case you're wondering, it is Made'LINE', not 'Lynn'. Just like the french character. A simple correction and you won't forget.  Amelia is my mom's middle name! That makes her initials M.A.P. :)

Sleeping Soundly

Madeline is already over 6 pounds, well over her birth weight. She nurses like a champ, and I am so grateful for that. She barely fits in most newborn sized clothing and right now I'm not so sure that there is even one pair of socks on this earth that fit her skinny feet.

 

We are trying to get into a routine, almost unsuccessfully, but it will come. I'll be excited when it does!

Not Ready To Share

I'm not ready to share my birth story yet.  We have a healthy baby and I feel physically great and that's all that matters right now.

I did want to say that Tim and I are trying not to be disappointed in the lack of visitors we received at the hospital, or now even. We have tried so hard these past two years to immerse ourselves into church activities and kids parties and friend's social things and we have been busy bees doing it. It sucks to sit back and observe that we have put so much into family and friends and it wasn't given back.

We have gotten apologies and apologies for it, but it really doesn't make it better, although we do accept them.

If you can't celebrate a life, what can you do?

The people that showed up were the people we couldn't have done it without! So, thanks so much to you guys! :) We know who we can count on and put our love and time into now.

38 Weeks

Here I am at 38 weeks and I know that I have one week left, maximum. Truth is, she can't stay in there any longer than that or we risk having a stillborn baby and I just can't have that.  It's been a hard week of reality.  It's been a really hard week to realize that my body has failed to do what it's naturally supposed to do.
It's just been hard.

Fortunately, our little girl is okay, she stopped growing a while ago and she's supposed to be pretty small when she comes out but she's doing good. I seriously hope her size doesn't affect breastfeeding, because I have big plans for that. My doctor and a friend confirmed to me that small size means she'll fly right on out and I won't say nary a negative word on that.

Actually, I am going to have a sit down with my doctor tomorrow about what to expect during labor and delivery on Sunday. Avoiding a C-section isn't my second goal (with getting this baby out safely being my main goal and number one priority). I don't even know if it will be a big deal to be honest, I could be working myself up for nothing here, but I would still like to know what he thinks.

Fortunately, we have a big family and it'll be even bigger come next Sunday.

38 Weeks, Baby #3

My sister-in-law's birthday is the following day, so she may just get a little muffin for a present, if labor takes as long as it did with Carson.

By the end of today, I have felt much better emotionally, tired physically, and I've had some pains here and there. That could be a good thing. My tailbone is all out of whack and the heartburn has been incredibly obnoxious. I basically have to lay around all day, eat too much, and drink like water is going out of style; that's my prescription.

Carson isn't making it easy, because he's 1 and everyday is a new adventure. He's been teething and it's driving me up a wall. Screaming, whining, drooling, biting, some fever and runny poo rules his life.  Oh, and get this: he gets hungry for real food. Shut the front door. He cried for 20 minutes one day last week before I realized that he wanted food (because he slept through lunch time and I had already forgotten about it). Won't make that mistake again.

I Have Another Pimple

I do. It's right under my cheekbone and it isn't pretty.

I am so upset about it. How dare it have the audacity to pop up when my makeup is over 150 miles away; how dare it!

Since it doesn't seem to be going anywhere, I named it Priscilla.

I don't have the best of skin, nor do I have horrible skin. It's speckled and rough and doesn't absorb anything.  At least I don't have arm acne or eczema or psoriasis so I don't suppose I can complain too terribly much.

But then again, there is this HUGE spot residing on my face, greeting people before I even have the chance.

Priscilla is such a skank.

Just About 34 Weeks

I'm doing pretty well. I just started dealing with tailbone issues and some back discomfort. Not to mention fatigue, restless leg syndrome, and extreme irritation, but these aren't things that are making my life horrible. There is no complaining on my part.

I still have so much to do before I have this child. I have to get stuff together and moved around.  I want to tour the hospital again.  I also have my baby shower in a few weeks.

I think, more importantly, I really need to focus on Carson and S.  They aren't lacking attention (are you kidding me?!?! My kids demand attention and keep demanding until they get it) but I don't want any drama from them after this birth, even though I know it will happen.

33 Weeks, 6 Days.  Baby #3

I haven't really started nesting yet. Is there even any time for that? I have been making hair-bows for my girls. They will have to match, of course... I have every intention of sewing, too. Maybe that's my nesting.

Actually, I am sewing to make a quiet bag for Carson for church. He is loud, with a capital L. I just have to figure it out because he needs to learn to sit now, rather than later.

Enjoy my pretty face!

On The Things I've Neglected

I have failed miserably at remembering that I have allotted every Tuesday this year as a "no sweets day".  I would be 100% successful at my goal if I had only remembered each Tuesday.  I suppose Tuesday was a bad day to do it and I guess if I started now I would be able to get in 40 days plus of no sweets. It's hard though...because I included artificially sweetened things too, like Diet Coke, but then sweet tea has sugar and orange juice and this list goes on! So, basically, all I can drink is water and while I like water, it's boring. I need a little pizazz to my cup!

I forgot to keep practicing to crochet, so now I have completely forgotten how to. I think I want to take a class, somewhere... I know the library here has a knitting class but that won't do. It looks complicated.
I think some ladies at church should start one up!

I bought some used picture frames this summer to make really cool DIY things with, and didn't do anything more than sand them down. They are in a box slowly decaying away. Actually,  I asked Tim to spray paint them a few months ago because I thought being pregnant, I'm not supposed to do it but I think I can.  Is that an old rule or still current? It's not his fault, I re-asked him again on Saturday if he could do it Sunday and he said he couldn't because his day was full.

I lost my mini clothes pins that I now need for a quiet bag because my children are very loud and active at church. I better find them!

I put off weaning Carson from the bottle to a sippy cup. I just can't do it. Really, I can and I will. I started today... I have only given him one bottle and I put a few away.  I have a few to wash before I can pack them up.  My plan is to put him on those silicone cups, the soft ones... and the sippy cups with straws. I hate the straws, but he likes them so whatever to that.

Lastly, I have seriously neglected Tim.  I haven't been giving him as much attention as he needs (and the same to him, lol). He also needs "alone time", something he has always gotten because I've made week long trips to Kentucky with the kids when he couldn't go.  He was able to basically do what he wanted without getting pulled in different directions. He won't get that nearly as often anymore so he'll have to deal.

Other than all this nonsense, I have gotten a lot done! Kuddos to me, and energy to me to get this other business taken care of.

A Snippet of My Thoughts Today

I have baby brain.  It's not a big secret, I have basically been pregnant for two years. That last month before I got pregnant with this baby, I could think clearly and my brain started working quickly again.  I miss that feeling. I really do.  I wonder what people think of me sometimes, people up here that have only known me like this*.  If there is any long period of time between this little baby girl and the next one, maybe I'll feel like myself again.

Not completely like the old Jenni. I truly believe people need to change and adapt to their life.  Though, the biggest problem with change, is that change isn't always a good thing. I see so many people go bitter and nasty. I have felt less anxious and depressed in these past two years than the three years before that. If that's just because of babies and pregnancies and it doesn't stick around after my kids get a little older, then I'll go back to therapy.  I am really hoping the happiness is because of maturity and a pretty good life.

My 'pretty good life' hasn't come easily.  It's not about material things, money, relationships, location, or any of that stuff (and I'm not bragging).  It's about acceptance and I'm not sure what exactly I have accepted or have come to peace with, but it's there and it's what I work on every single day.  I'm not saying I have laid down and died and stopped caring, I'm saying that I can't be motivated by anger anymore because it's not healthy.

I do get mad, I really do, but I know where the anger comes from and it's okay.  I get over it.  I do allow myself to be hurt a lot, but that's okay too and I get over it as well.  I would like to point out that jealousy isn't my thing.  To assume I'm jealous of anyone or anything is to have one of the most incorrect assumptions about me. I am about fairness but I can't make anyone be fair, that's on them. I DO want things, like a van and my own house, but I know that whether I have them or not, it's because of choices that Tim and I make; it's on us (and make no mistake that it's because of laziness or lack of action....it's about planning and waiting and we are okay with that even though it's hard).

Back to acceptance: The biggest thing I'm working on right now is peoples' abilities to completely have faith that there is a God and Jesus is his son and heaven is there (and don't act on it).  I hear and see comments all the time about Jesus and whatnot and see these people not active in a church or acts of faith but they know.  They just know!  I ponder about everything and actively choose to believe and work on my faith everyday.  It's a lot of work but I know it's better to believe and follow those commandments than to not.  I do have some amazing examples around me, so that's a thumbs up! :)

*I also wonder about what people think of me that have only been facebook friends, or relatives of the family I've married into and have never spent time with me. Or even my family that I haven't spent much time with since college.  Facebook isn't my life and neither is my blog; there is so much more.  I figure some people who have interacted with me through a second party could think I'm as nice as Jesus, or the most horrible person on Earth. I'm neither (ha), I'm not even in the middle.

It feels nice to write about myself again, but maybe I do that often!!  There is no way for me to possibly write down how I feel about everything I've written here 100% because this post would be too long. So, there.

Also, I would like to point out that at any point in time, I reserve the right to change my mind about anything.

Carson's 1st Year

We celebrated Carson's first birthday a week ago (more than a week ago, but around that time). Tim and I were so excited to throw a party for our boy and we feel so blessed about the turn-out. That little boy is such a joy in our lives!

Parenting isn't an easy task. I think for Carson, nurturing has been a lot easier and natural than with S, for various reasons. It's still a struggle for me to be a stay at home mommy every. single. day, but I know it's best for my kids and in the long run, for me as well.  If it isn't a challenge, it's probably not worth doing.

As for my boy... he's already running (fast, fast, waddle walk), has 13 teeth, and can say a few words while gibbering all day long.

Happy 1st Birthday, Carson! :)

Ice Cream Cone Cupcakes and Dating

I tried a new recipe.  I made those cupcakes in ice cream cones and the kids love them.  I don't really like ice cream cones so I haven't eaten one.  The cones turned came out of the oven a little soggy so I'm going to need to look that up and see if there is a way to prevent it.

S says she wants them for her birthday for her class and I already plan on making a few for Carson's birthday.

Kids love cupcakes in ice cream cones.  It's such a contradiction.  As a child, I would have hated it, it is like mixing food to me. I guess I still wouldn't like it since I won't try one.  I think it's the soggy cone. I dislike soggy things.

I'm making those cowgirl cookies next from Bakerella.

I'm still waiting to hear if S was elected student council.  The other kids running missed school (hello, that should show you who really should be elected) so they postponed their speeches. We are really encouraging her to get as involved as she chooses to, to hopefully keep her on the right path.

Carson got a big boy haircut and boy is he a cutie! He's been so fun lately, playing very well and he's just hilarious. Just looking at parenting differences between children is amazing to me and I finally feel like I'm doing right by my children.

Tim and I mixed things up this morning and went on a breakfast date. We took S to the bus stop, waited, then headed to Waffle House.  Waffle House is my weakness. Every now and again, the idea of greasy breakfast food makes me so happy. The only downside is how early it was.

I have read when you go on dates with your spouse, you aren't supposed to talk about kids, money, or work. Well, that's all we have to talk about.  Actually, this morning we didn't talk very much and it was a great date.

On the way home, we laughed a lot about things the kids are doing and how funny they are.  I'd say it was a success.

Maybe It Was A Cold

Maybe it was a cold!  I am starting to believe that Carson is not only teething, but he has a little cold, too! So sorry to all the friends we went around. :/  He's over the worst part of it and has been almost back to normal today! :)

I have it now.  This is stupid, why do I have to get a cold? I can't breathe, especially at night, I have a huge headache and the list goes on.

That's enough nasty business... I went to Olive Garden to eat lunch with my Sister-in-law, Amanda today.  I got that endless soup and salad. I filled up on salad and could only eat half a bowl of minestrone.  The salad alone it worth it!  I kid you not.  It must have msg in it because I'm addicted.

I also stopped by the dollar tree to get some things for Carson's birthday party.  I ran into a problem  while there: I only have had 4 people R.S.V.P. and none of them are children (unless I'm forgetting someone).  I have some pretty neat party favors in mind but I don't plan on over-buying things and going through the hassle of returning them afterwards. No way!

But, get this...they have the COOLEST wrapping paper. Oh, I lerv it! It's that brown paper bag material, and there is a lot if it to boot for $1.  Heck to the yes.  I love wrapping paper, I do.  I thoroughly enjoy picking out the prettiest paper and curling ribbons and bows to match!  If you have ever gotten a wrapped gift from me (in the past few years) you should know!  I have big plans this year with twine and brown paper. Big plans!

Oh, and remember how I said S was really involved with 4th grade? Well, this remains to be true...  She stepped off the bus today and asked me what I thought about her running for class president.  I told her if that is what she wants to do, then, great!  I can't wait to see if this results in anything or not.

4th Grade and Molars

S started 4th grade last week.  I really like her teacher this year.  He's her first man-teacher... I only point that out because male teachers seem to be strict, cut through the crap, but have a huge heart all at once. That's my stereotype anyway.
I think I have the start of a new girl on my hands.  She is so confident in her studies now.  Tonight she took the initiative herself and read an extra 25 minutes, then wrote 4 1/2 pages in her composition book. She wants to do well this year and that's not something you can make a child do.

While she's earning the gold star, Carson is grumpier than an old man. He's cutting his molars, and already has one through, two more spots are swollen.  This grumpier than grump attitude started yesterday and I'm already really really tired because of it. Lol, but this is the life and I'm not going to complain anymore about that!

I don't think I would be so tired, but Tim's caught a cold and he isn't sleeping at night, causing me to not sleep.  Every time he coughs or sniffles, I wake up.  I have restless leg syndrome when I'm pregnant and if I lay too long without sleeping it gets worse.  If I wake up at night, it gets worse than worse and it's just over. There is no sleep for me.

Worded Wednesday

When he realized I was leaving him for a nap.

Refuses to cry for the camera.

Cheeser

What are you doing? Don't leave me!!

Oh, you're taking a picture!

Happy boy!

First Day of fourth grade 8/22/2012

It's a...

Tests

Without saying much (and I know that's annoying), we have to go to a specialist with this pregnancy. Hopefully it will be a one time thing. We'll see!

We were supposed to find out the sex of this baby on July 3rd, but that has now been postponed.

Frustration level is a little high, just for preparations sake.

We had a nice week down in Kentucky, for a mini vacation. The daughter stayed a week and a half longer than the baby and I. She needed quality time with her grandparents. She rarely gets any.

So now we wait.

Working on the Third

Basically, there is big news in this house!

Tim and I are going to be having another baby towards the end of the year.  I seem to post around my 15th week of pregnancy, and this time is no difference.

We are absolutely thrilled!

I have been through h, e, double hockey sticks up until a few weeks back.  Thankfully with a twist of bittersweet. Tim was off work for an injury, so during the worst of my morning sickness, and night sickness, he was home to help.

To top that off, our son wasn't mobile so I'm going to say that helped a lot.  He's officially a crawler now and he's eight months old with eight teeth! Crazy sauce.

There's also been some other stressed situations, like friendships and some of my past chasing me down.  The kind of stressers you don't need in your first trimester, but petty nonetheless.

We've only been telling a few people here and there because I'm not ready to be pregnant again.  I am not ready for people to make a big deal out of it.  When the baby comes, then and only then, make a big deal because it's a cause for celebration.

Cheers to us and the world for the addition!! Thanks to God for the blessing.

Moving Train

The past two weeks have been dramatic. Some emotional stuff going on and then my past catching up with me.  Really, chasing me down, oh and then I got blasted via text messages.

Anyway, apparently, telling people someone's father is incarcerated is MUCH better than saying he's just a lazy bum deadbeat father.  Apparently.

Someone can explain that to me because I don't get it.  Just crawl back into whatever hole you got out of and leave me and my family alone.

I had to go through all my internet accounts and make them private. I'm not sure if anyone will even be able to read my blog for a while, but I will post anyway.

I was losing some faith in humanity until I was protected and encouraged by so many.  It goes to show that I have been doing good things, even though I feel like I'm failing with every step I take.

Being bitter is no fun and trying to forgive and move on is hard.  Trying to deal with all this, and a few more things that are not easy while watching a friend go crazy at me and trying to stop it is like trying to stop a moving train.

But I have all those people standing in front and around me, holding me up and it helps me more than they could ever know. So, thank you!

Playing Catch-Up

So, I have had a bad day. No, I don't really want to talk about it, but then again maybe I do. I don't want to talk about what's wrong but just know that it caused some sort of breakdown-kinda-day, a ton of tears (caught in action at church...had to leave quick), a lot of long naps, and a huge headache.

Throw in a few fun dip sticks (way better than the loose sugar that comes with them) and a half bag of Chester's flamin' hot fries and my comfort food buried my problems a little deeper.

This is the time where I would run to Kentucky, to my parent's house, but they have their own things going on and I want to visit when Sehara gets out of school.  That's at the end of this month and I can wait that long.

Tim took Carson with him to his brother's apartment so I could get a break from his crying. He just keeps crying and crying and whining.  I don't know if it's his teeth, if I'm not producing enough milk and he's hungry, or if he is just a crybaby.  I hope it is his teeth, but if he's hungry that won't be an issue for long because I plan on weaning him to formula soon.  I might have to hand him over for a day or two or just suck it up and do it myself.  It's going to be horrible.

I've been spending my time lately watching a lot of Private Practice on Netflix, trying to lose weight, trying to get Sehara to behave, feeding Carson new foods, re-evaluating how I feel about people, trying to not post mean facebook statuses about other people, texting and chatting online with good friends I haven't spoken to in a while, debating whether or not to delete my facebook, and watering strawberry plants that I think aren't going to make it.

I really need to find a good recipe for those fried dill pickles. Have you tasted them? Oh, divine.

I have a cradle-roll song STUCK in my head. "I'm glad I am a pretty butterfly..." and I'm thinking it's time for it to get un-stuck, even though it's an adorable song.

I'm a Genius

I really am, but to be fair, this post isn't really about me, it's about a boy named Carson. 

Tim and I (along with Grandmama) have really been struggling to get Carson to eat baby and table food. He refuses.  He doesn't even know how to drink from a bottle or sippy cup.

To back-track, he JUST started drinking from his sippy on Wednesday night, and he drank from a bottle (breastmilk) for his Grandmother on Monday so his mommy and daddy could go see The Avengers.

We started Carson out on vegetables.  Green beans and peas, with a week or two in between.  He refused to eat any of it, he literally stuck out his tongue and spit it out each time.

I was sitting next to Carson on the floor a few weeks ago, licking on a sucker.  I didn't pay attention to him or my sucker for a while and next thing I know, he's attacking it.  He couldn't get enough of it, but I don't want him to have sweets yet so I took it away and he threw a full out fit!

A light went off in my head.  I have been so busy thinking about vegetables only that I had not even considered giving him sweet fruits.  To be honest, I didn't want him to eat fruits until he stopped nursing, but I'm not opposed to adapting my plan and trying something new.

Linda, from church had suggesting someone else feeding him (besides me) so he wouldn't want milk instead.  Grandmama took a jar of bananas and Carson and he ate half of it in one sitting.  I seriously am so happy he's eating something!  We have also been giving him peaches and he LOVES his peaches.

Lately, though, he wants the spoon while we are feeding him.  I really don't mind him getting dirty and I WANT him to feed himself as early as possible, but it's just a huge waste of time, clothes, and food to give him a spoonful of whatever.  It's gotten to where he won't eat at all because he's too busy worrying about getting the spoon.  I tried giving him a separate spoon but he wouldn't have it.

Today, out of the blue, I thought 'why not give him something solid to eat while I feed him this mush?'  I had some sweet potato puffs that he choked on at Easter, so I grabbed one little star puff and broke it into 5 little pieces and set them on his tray.  I wasn't even aware that his fine motor skills were that developed.  He was able to concentrate on getting those to his mouth (keeping them in was a different story) and I was able to feed him.

I know that this may seem trivial in all the things that I could possibly post about, but it's such a big milestone to Carson, and a relief to me! 

I've Had Enough

There is something I have been thinking about for a while and I need to get it off my mind.

There is a line between being strict or stern and being mean.  I'm not sure how thick or fine it is, but there is no reason it should be crossed when you're dealing with an 8 year old (or around that age or my children, period).  I cross it all the time with Sehara, but I am her mom and I am around her the most.  There is no reason anyone else in this world should step over that line and snap at my child or say bad things about her or physically touch her in a negative way, and that includes pulling her arm.

I am so sick of it.  I understand people can get frustrated with her pretty quickly, I get it. Like I said, I have been around her most and I really do understand.  That still doesn't justify stepping over that line, no matter how frustrated you are.  There is nothing wrong with Corrective Feedback and I urge people to give that to Sehara but anything else is inappropriate and will not be tolerated.

I see it most at Church, and it breaks my heart and pisses me off at the same time.  Church should be a safe place...

I have my backbone again and I fully plan on saying how I feel about it if anyone chooses to act on their frustration. You really have been forewarned, korny as that sounds.

Wordless Wednesday

Carson Plays With His Doggie

He keeps me entertained all day.  He is 5 months old and almost had a tooth through. :) He can grab things and recognizes people. He loves to smile and laugh.  He LOVES to hear his voice and hear how loud he can get. He is most definitely a talker.

Here it Goes, Again...

If you aren't used to my angry blog posts, then you may not want to read this. Actually, if you have read one of them, you may  not want to read this...

I've tried to take a step back from all these different situations and look at them objectively, but that's bull crap. You can't do that.

I used to curse, a lot. Then I became mormon and stopped, except for the occasional slip up. When I stopped being mormon, I barely cursed at all.  There was no need for it, I had learned my lesson and I grew up. I am insinuating that cursing comes with immaturity, yes. This is going somewhere, trust me.  When I met Tim I knew he was a keeper by a lot of different things, one of them being his lack of using profanity.  I admired that.  Unfortunately, I do have a really bad habit of letting them loose when I am so livid that I just can't take it anymore.  That's lack of self control.

It takes a lot to control what comes out of your mouth when you're beyond mad, and not just those words, also things that may be hurtful...  I still do curse when I get to that point, but not even close to what it was even a year ago. I JUST GET SO MAD.  I'll own up to it.

In my mind, that doesn't justify making it okay to curse in front of my children, ever.  I used to, but I'm a better person now.

Anyway, I got called the big "B" word in front of my husband, Sehara, and Carson on Sunday.  It was definitely not called for and that girl was completely wrong.  Look, I own up to my crap and I'll apologize when I know I'm wrong, but I wasn't wrong in this situation.  I was trying to teach Sehara shopping cart etiquette (I made that up) and I was telling her to say "excuse me" when we got in the way or needed to go around someone.

Ugh. I had just put Carson back in the cart in his carseat, Tim had just gotten off work, and Sehara had one hand on the side (we are still on that phase...) and we were rounding the corner. This girl about my age with a guy around the same age clearly sees us and almost runs into us.  She had the "You move out of my way" tattitude. I said the "excuse me" and "oh, I'm sorry" and she gives me the dirtiest look, ever.  Okay.  So I said "Wow, thanks for being rude". 

"You're the rude one, B___"

Uh-uh.  I whipped around and yelled at her that "I was the one that said I was sorry" and she kept walking. Chicken.  Look, I don't go out looking for fights, but I won't stand for that ish.  That pissed me off soooo badly.  What a skank.  I tried to play it off like she probably had a bad day because she was looking raunchy before we almost collided.

The biggest problem that I had with it was she did it in front of Sehara and Sehara caught it and asked me if I had heard "that girl call you the b word, I can't believe she did that" all night long.

I firmly believe that you should move out of the way for the elderly, for handicapped people (fat people don't count) and people who are pregnant and/or have babies with them.  I do it and I expect that other people should do it, too.  I'm sick of inconsiderate people.  I've absolutely had enough.

A Bit of Humor

Maybe dry humor, but funny to me!! I lay awake a lot and funny things pop in my head. I'd like to share them.
Enjoy! :)

Being Depressed & Sick

I have heard a lot of wish-wash about people not thinking the brain and body are connected, as in being emotionally distressed and that affecting a body's physical response isn't true.

That's fine, because that's their opinion.  I've heard what I would call "smart people" say this to me. Needless to say, after I hear this come from a person's mouth, I no longer think of them as a resourcefully smart person. I think of them as someone who likes to talk and happens to sound smart when, in fact, they aren't.

Sure, factual information still comes from them time-to-time, but I'll always double check that info. They invalidate themselves to me.

Here is how I personally know:
I have a probably very common positive feedback loop (derh, but maybe it's a negative feedback loop??) where when one thing alters in your body, your brain sends out signals to fix it, but ends up causing it to get worse, blah blah. It's biology so I'm not sure I'm describing it correctly. No matter. It all leads to Homeostasis anyway.  Being in labor is an example of a positive feedback loop that ends nicely, you know, with a baby.

I have been on antibiotics for the past 8 days for these two huge massive(redundant) pimples I have that wouldn't pop (and I thought they could be MRSA, but they weren't, but they sucked so I had to get them looked at) and I've noticed the past 4 or 5 days I have been getting these overwhelming headaches.

Then I started noticing I'd get the headaches an hour or two after I took the antibiotics (not sure what that means) and then it got to where I couldn't move my eyeballs without pain (we have 6 muscles around our eyes to look in different directions- attached to them). Obviously, something was happening to make those muscles sore.

I started getting sleepier and sleepier and sadder and more sad. A few things happened that helped along with that sadness, but I'll have to write another post on those. Before I know it (this is Wednesday night) I feel so depressed that I can't help but to picture every possible way I wish I could die that wasn't suicidal so I can still go to heaven.

It's that bad.  Even Carol from church was asking me if I was alright.  What am I going to say?

About 10 p.m., I'm in such a funk that I just laid in bed and stared at the t.v.  Carson got hungry so I fed him and we both fell asleep.

You know  how this goes... I wake up feeling disgusting. It just escalates more and, oops, I forgot to take my antibiotics. So I do, then in another hour I wake up and it's nasty. I can't move, took my temperature...100.5. It literally causes severe pain to more my eyes and I can't sleep. My lower back is killing me, I'm freezing and burning up at the same time.

I go all day like this.  I think to myself that if I am indeed sick, I most certainly do not need to add to my pain with these medications so I stop the antibiotics two days short. Whatever, I have always forgotten the last two days. If my pimples don't go away completely, I'll call them George and Berdine and give them a place to live.

I feel better as the day goes on, my temperature gets higher for a while, levels out, and now it's a little below normal.  I rarely get a fever.

Around 12/1 a.m., I'm laying in bed and my head is like *ding-ding*. No wonder I was depressed and I got sick.  Well, mostly the sick part. It's been so long since I've really been sick-sick as opposed to 12/24-hour bugs. When I get really depressed/sad about something I always get so sick. I have been pregnant and postpartum for the past forever so I have forgotten to listen to my body.  Being Depressed and Sick go hand in hand for me.

Remember, the chemicals in our bodies during pregnancy are very different than when we aren't pregnant, so while something  makes sense before or after, it may not be true during pregnancy.

I'm sure being depressed goes together for a lot of other people as well. It's what our body has to sometimes do. Well, I know for people who experience true chronic depression and anxiety like me, it does. Maybe I'm wrong, but I sure don't like to feel alone in this world.

There is a flip side as well, but I don't need to go into ten shortened paragraphs rant for that in this post.

I'm just trying to draw the picture that there is a mind-body or brain and body connection (but really it's kind of like a behavioral  thing) and it's not rocket science, it's actually biology, or physiology, or immunology.  There are studies that show you can "think yourself well", whether it be through a placebo or through purposeful psychoneuroimmunology. Say that 10 times fast, then google it.

Anyway, my point is that being depressed is a huge sign that I'm getting sick, but it's more complicated than that because I am always depressed, just sometimes sad. SO, I guess, being sad is a huge sign that I am getting sick.  When I'm not on my beloved medicine, like right now, I really can't decipher those times. Makes me think I need to pay more attention to my body.

As for those antibiotics, I don't know what happened. I've never had that problem and I know that it wasn't a coincidence. Maybe my body couldn't handle those few things at once?

I'm curious to hear others thoughts on this.

Wordless Wednesday

Stylish Wants

Chanel-SPRING-2012-RTW-podium-024_runway

Kardashian Madformetallics jacket

Chanel Spring 2012

Here is the link to my Stylish wants of Jan.  Sorry for the double posts! I do know that they get annoying... :)

Pin It

Quite frankly, I'm an amateur when it comes to graphic design, but if I don't try it, then I'll never get better. I have ambitions to get better, so I'm going to try it. My first one had too many flaws. The colors weren't appropriate and didn't allow the words to pop like they should. Unreadable, almost. This one is simple, yet, better.

Really, these are designed for Pinterest, to get my blog out there more.  I'm trying to get more experience with it, more hits on my page, so I can prove to myself that I can be successful allowing me to take the next step, because honestly, thinking about putting myself out there for a lot larger population is kind of scary.  You people love me, and tell me the truth in a way I can handle and correct it. 

Do you have a Pinterest account? It's so lovely. You just browse pins other people pin and repin them if you like it.  If you're on a website and you think there are things other people would enjoy, you pin it. Anything from photography to architecture to DIY crafts and recipes. Let me know if you want an invite, and leave your email address in a comment (or privately) and I'll send one.

Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday 1

Wordless Wednesday 2 

Wordless Wednesday 3

Sehara and Carson play

In case you haven't seen Carson roll over...

Fun Random One Liners part 1

I like that whenever I'm packing a few extra pounds, people always say to me, "You're so confident!". Which, I am...

I am so conceited.  I know I'm pretty, or, cute.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I'm the Beholder, Hooker.

My name is Jenni, not Jenn-AY.  Thank you, Forrest Gump.

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I threw a paper ball at the person standing at pulpit. WHAT WOULD HE DO?

There are times that I don't really have one clear thought pattern.  During those times I like to go on Pinterest and "like" whatever I like.  Then, I go back and look at them...you should try it. Insight...

Not only do I think I'm hilarious, I kinda know it.
Actually, the more I read my stuff, the more I laugh!!

WA BAM


Facebook favorites:

No, not creepy at all when you wake at negative 4 a.m. and find your baby staring at you with a huge smile. How am I coherent enough to write this?

We call him Wilbur.

Carson is really struggling to go back to sleep. I think he needs my help! I think he needs for me to lay down with him and shut my eyes, too!!

I don't know why Tim acts surprised everytime he catches me picking my nose... I don't say anything to him.

Carson doesn't like his toes to be popped. Who doesn't like having their toes popped?! This is crazy to me. Come to think of it, Sehara and Tim don't like it either..

My Nephews Are Pretty Funny

I went to Kentucky this past weekend to spend some time with my sister, Kelly, and her family.  Well, and to help with a birthday party. I had a secret intent as well and that was to fulfill my need to organize things...namely, her cabinets.  I have been dying to get my hands on them. Most importantly, we had a birthday party to figure out.  I was hoping either to decorate or watch her kids but Carson didn't allow for me to do much else than to hold him. *sigh*

Ryder with a cupcake

Getting down to Kentucky was an adventure in of itself... It took 4 1/2 hours with the nasty roads. It was worth it. We got to her house at 3 ish in the morning and got to working on the goody bags.

Kelly made some intriguing police officer goody bags and hand painted each of the kid's names on them, with Puffy paint.  With our mom's help, we stuffed them the next morning. It was a lot to do!!

The party went well, though not as many people showed up as planned, probably due to the horrible weather...  I can't blame them, it was a nasty day.

 I took some of these photos off of facebook.  I think Wendy's page and Kelly's SIL, Buttons, page.  Er, thank you!! :)

This post is really about some of the funny things my nephews did while I was there.  At the moment, I can only remember a few.
This little Ryder, here, has hit the terrible two's!!  He was in EVERYTHING. At one point he was trying to sneak some juice from the counter, something that he could of has without sneaking, so Kelly (before he had a chance to pick it up) gave him permission to drink it.  It made the world of difference and HE GLOWED. Adorable.

 Colton here, with Ruger, dumped a bottle of vinegar in poor Ruger's kennel the morning before I got there.  Gave Kelly a set back in her plans.
After his party on Sat., he crashed on the couch. His head was towards the arm/end of the couch and I laid Carson down with his head towards Colton's feet. 
I went to the back of the house to put something in Colton's room when I hear Carson start to cry. I thought, "ugh, can't he sleep for a few hours?"** and walked back to the living room to find Colton using Carson's face as a pillow. Now, this seems alarming, but it was Hilarious! 
Carson doesn't like things touching his face when he sleeps, so he was whining pretty hard about it.  Colton just patted ever-so-softly on his face to get his pillow to stop making noise.  I mean, we are talking fall on the floor funny. I guess you had to be there.

Ryder

On Sunday morning, I laid Carson on the couch in front of me to play and poor Wilbur (Logan) gets so jealous!  He is 1, so this is expected! He gets on the couch with me to cuddle, and then decides to prey on play with Carson. 
He does so well for a few moments, then decides to stand up and plop himself down on Carson's belly.
He just sits there nonchalantly.

Logan, but you can call him Wilbur.

Moment of panic.  Then something funny happens: nothing.  Carson does nothing besides look up into his cousin's eyes and smile. Ha!  But, I had to move him because he's kind of heavy (but so is Carson).

I didn't get any pictures while I was there, but I wish I had.

Colton with Ruger

Wilbur also made another funny. He doesn't talk, besides maybe a "momma" and "daddy" every now and again. Well, a few other words.  He just doesn't need to.  His brothers say everything for him. Well, Kelly was changing his diaper and a State Farm commercial came one.  You know the jingle. At the end of the commercial, State Farm advertised themselves with said jingle and then I hear a baby voice say "State Farm". 
I thought it over for a minute, you know when something happens and you don't 'get it' right away.  I turned to Kelly and asked her if Wilbur just said "State Farm".  She looked at me and said she heard it too, but thought she was just hearing things like a crazy person.
Litlle Wilbur just clearly had stated the most random thing ever.  It was just a little bit of Epic. Really.
Her house is nothing short of crazy, but it is beautiful chaos.  You can't expect much else with 3 boys five and under.
**I, of course, take Carson with me everywhere I go, like a responsible parent... Lately, he has been having a case of some version of stranger danger.  He cries when someone other than Daddy, Sister, Grandmama, Granddaddy, and Mommy hold him.  Tim finally has a job, so he's gone most of the day, sister is in school, Grandmama has been so sick, so really, it's been granddaddy keeping an eye on him while I get Sehara to and from the bus stop and Me, only Me taking care of him.  It gets exhausting, like being a single parent all over again. I was hoping for other people being able to hold him at Kelly's so I could help her out with things, but that didn't happen and I didn't take my carrier and kids are LOUD, so he couldn't get to sleep and stay that way.  I was exhausted and in those moments I wanted time to myself... and time to feel productive.