Day Eighteen

I think that in order to understand what a depressed person or a person with anxiety feels, you yourself must have depression and/or anxiety.  You could probably relate, but not feel empathy.  You could feel sympathy but I don't think you could truly understand what is going on in that person's mind.  That's why when someone I know goes off their rocker and does stupid crap and says outrageous stuff, I get hurt but not offended and I understand where they come from. I only get hurt when it is directed towards me.  It is kind of complicated, but not really.
I went through a situation today where I knew someone understood me, and then where I knew another person didn't.  I had the option of sitting with two different groups but chose to sit by myself.  I didn't do it to be mean, it was just the only option that made me feel comfort.  I saw a soft couch with people, a table with wooden chairs with people, then I saw two lonely wooden chairs and I chose those.  It seemed comfortable, well, and it was. My MIL commented somewhere along the lines that sometimes we just need to be alone.  She was right.  I didn't realize I had chosen an isolated spot until they asked me if I wanted to join them.  I just wanted to be where I was and there is nothing wrong with that.  She knows how I feel.
During those few minutes I realized that my depression/anxiety really is coming back.  To the point where I may not be able to function by myself. Ah, the good days.

On a happy note, click here.  I want this so bad for Carson. Too bad they are all out. I wonder if there is another brand.  I don't want anymore bulbs or electric suckers. I want one just like that. This one wouldn't hurt, either. It's a fight for him each day. EVERY SINGLE MORNING he can't breathe and it is so sad.  I also want to get a crib mobile for him but those bad boys are expensive.  You know what, there are a lot of things I want still.  Like a high chair.  I want a big honking pretty high chair, maybe a nice wooden one.  Those are coming back in style. For Sehara, I want her to have things with her name on them.  It's so unique.

Isn't she beautiful?

Hungry! He has found his fists!

I would eventually like a really nice sewing machine and all the colors to go with it.  Then, I would like a lesson to use said sewing machine. I want sparkle pumps.  Tim is getting me a pair for Christmas. Payless has one pair in size 7 that will do!  If I get lucky, tomorrow I will go get them for him to wrap and they will be cheaper so I'll be able to get a second pair 50% off.  Wouldn't that be exciting?!?  I would like skinny jeans too.  These are mostly all reasonable, besides that sewing machine.  Have you seen how expensive those things are?  KitchenAid mixers are high too.  Crazy high.  I would enjoy the book called "Play: How it shapes the brain...".  Tim wants some airsoft gear.  Megastore has this vest with a bunch of pockets and mesh covered goggles. 
I ran a little today.  It was the second time I have done it since birthing the baby.  Today was better than the other day.  I didn't go any further and I didn't try harder, but I did it and that's all I could do.  I am pleased with myself. I do plan to continue.  It's not hard to get to.