Day Twenty Two

I figure today may be my last day of this blogging month thing.  I don't know because now I feel it is a part of my routine.
We took Carson to the doctor today.  He just has too much congestion and we weren't comfortable with him going unseen, just in case.  Isn't it always "just in case"?  He also has another little problem, but we are trying to figure that out.  Good news, though.  He weighs 12 pounds and 12 ounces!! That's a big boy.  Sehara weighs 49 pounds, she's a little girl!  That's always good.
Tim's birthday party is scheduled.  I accidentally scheduled it on my friend's daughter's birthday, so I needed to redo that. I never think it's right to have a birthday party on someone else's birthday.  Unless it is their birthday too.
It snowed yesterday and was so pretty.
I hope next November I can remember that the whole month is posting month.  :)

Day Twenty One

I tried a new recipe today.  It's called creamy white chicken and artichoke lasagna.  I'll have to post the recipe soon. 
That consumed my day, planning for it, shopping for it and then cooking it.  I need to do that more often because there isn't anything much better than preparing something everyone likes.  I can't wait to see what it will taste like tomorrow. 
Oh, I also went to the ladies devo at church this morning.  I woke up ten minutes before we left, ugh, and I didn't even put on a "real" bra.  I wore my sleep-time nursing bra.  It is so comfortable but it doesn't have enough support for daily wear.
Now, Tim is video gaming with his brother and I'm just having me time.  :)

Wise Tip #1:
Probably, you shouldn't say "fantastic" unless you have a British accent.

Day Twenty

I thought of one of the things I am thankful for!  I know there are many more, but I am very thankful for my Bachelor's Degree.  I worked very hard for that title. I mean, I worked my butt off.  It took me a while to even care about being in college.  I would say that towards the last two years I really took education seriously.  I got into neuroscience, play theory, gerontology, kinesiology, and aquatics something ferocious. I cannot express how much work it was to completely change the way I thought and dig in.  I usually go at things halfway and barely get them done, but I tell ya, I did it all the way.  I will (proudly) say that I impressed every single one of my professors by the time I had graduated. I increased my GPA (not by much though because I had already severely screwed it up) and my personal feeling of achievement, which to me, is more important.

When I found out I was pregnant, about a month after I had graduated, you can imagine my feelings... I won't lie, it was hard to accept.  I had plans to have an amazing career.  I knew it would take a while before I found a satisfying job that I could advance in, but that was okay.  But for as long as it took to accept having more children so soon, I knew that taking care of this little baby, spending time and bonding with him would be ten billion times more important than getting my high from a job.  We just changed our plans around a little and it worked.  Tim just had a few more months to graduate and he would get the job, we would struggle for a little, have our kids and I would eventually get a part time job, then progress into a full time when the kids got old enough.  It works.  We have OUR WHOLE LIVES, however long they will be.  God willing, we'll get at least 50 more years, ya know?  I can't imagine having children just to put them in daycare and not get to know them.  People are everything in this world.  It would stop without them (unless computers take over Matrix style) and my job as a mother is to nurture my children to be great people so they can live in a great world.

It's funny, because first impression may be that I do not use my degree, but I do.  I watch my 8 year old and my 2 month old grow and I help them develop like they should.  I can say with confidence that Carson is right on schedule with his development, besides his head.  He is so lazy (as in he doesn't control his head yet) when people pick him up.  I watch my husband struggle with his body and I help him. I watch people all around me and I get to observe their bodies do what I have been taught that they will do.  I notice when people don't walk normally and can have a meaningful conversation with them (because who doesn't like talking about themselves?) and build my relationships.  I don't act pompous about my degree and let everyone know all about it and think I am better than them.  I know when people know what they are talking about and when they are talking just to act like they do.  Whatever, but at least I have one.  I got it at 22 (if I had tried at all I would have got it at 20 or 21) despite these supposed obstacles being in my way, you know, the whole teenage parent thing. I think it speaks for itself, really. That's not bragging though, that's the truth.

December 2010

I can't help but to laugh because I can imagine my mom reading this post and saying " She's loving on herself".  I think I deserve a moment here for myself.

Day Nineteen

I had intentions of starting today of by making cheese grits for church lunch but, um, that didn't work out.  It's Tim's job to wake me up on Sundays for church and he didn't wake me up until 25 minutes to go, and that was an hour after church had started.  So, I didn't make those grits.  Another day.
Right after the meal I went to the mall with Amanda and her sister to do holiday shopping.  I finally got my shiny shoes.  I just don't get them until Christmas.  I got a lot of other things as well.  I am satisfied with the trip.
Back to church at 6, then to Golden Corral for Amanda's birthday dinner. What is it about Golden Corral that makes me need to use the bathroom?  It's like the smell of the place gets the belly moving.
Needless to say, it has been a long day, so after I annoy Tim a little bit I am headed to bed.
Goodnight!

Day Eighteen

I think that in order to understand what a depressed person or a person with anxiety feels, you yourself must have depression and/or anxiety.  You could probably relate, but not feel empathy.  You could feel sympathy but I don't think you could truly understand what is going on in that person's mind.  That's why when someone I know goes off their rocker and does stupid crap and says outrageous stuff, I get hurt but not offended and I understand where they come from. I only get hurt when it is directed towards me.  It is kind of complicated, but not really.
I went through a situation today where I knew someone understood me, and then where I knew another person didn't.  I had the option of sitting with two different groups but chose to sit by myself.  I didn't do it to be mean, it was just the only option that made me feel comfort.  I saw a soft couch with people, a table with wooden chairs with people, then I saw two lonely wooden chairs and I chose those.  It seemed comfortable, well, and it was. My MIL commented somewhere along the lines that sometimes we just need to be alone.  She was right.  I didn't realize I had chosen an isolated spot until they asked me if I wanted to join them.  I just wanted to be where I was and there is nothing wrong with that.  She knows how I feel.
During those few minutes I realized that my depression/anxiety really is coming back.  To the point where I may not be able to function by myself. Ah, the good days.

On a happy note, click here.  I want this so bad for Carson. Too bad they are all out. I wonder if there is another brand.  I don't want anymore bulbs or electric suckers. I want one just like that. This one wouldn't hurt, either. It's a fight for him each day. EVERY SINGLE MORNING he can't breathe and it is so sad.  I also want to get a crib mobile for him but those bad boys are expensive.  You know what, there are a lot of things I want still.  Like a high chair.  I want a big honking pretty high chair, maybe a nice wooden one.  Those are coming back in style. For Sehara, I want her to have things with her name on them.  It's so unique.

Isn't she beautiful?

Hungry! He has found his fists!

I would eventually like a really nice sewing machine and all the colors to go with it.  Then, I would like a lesson to use said sewing machine. I want sparkle pumps.  Tim is getting me a pair for Christmas. Payless has one pair in size 7 that will do!  If I get lucky, tomorrow I will go get them for him to wrap and they will be cheaper so I'll be able to get a second pair 50% off.  Wouldn't that be exciting?!?  I would like skinny jeans too.  These are mostly all reasonable, besides that sewing machine.  Have you seen how expensive those things are?  KitchenAid mixers are high too.  Crazy high.  I would enjoy the book called "Play: How it shapes the brain...".  Tim wants some airsoft gear.  Megastore has this vest with a bunch of pockets and mesh covered goggles. 
I ran a little today.  It was the second time I have done it since birthing the baby.  Today was better than the other day.  I didn't go any further and I didn't try harder, but I did it and that's all I could do.  I am pleased with myself. I do plan to continue.  It's not hard to get to.

Day Seventeen

We started this day off at 12:00 a.m., doing some black Friday shopping, at Target. Yes, I am officially one of those idiots.  We only went for Tim's birthday present: an Xbox.
But, it didn't start well at all.  We got there over an hour early and the line was wrapped around the parking lot.  Okay, well, I would just wait in the car with Carson while Tim stood it out.  I unlocked the doors so I could move to the driver's side, got out and went over, then tried to open the door and it was locked.  Um, Panic.  So I went back to the passenger side and that was locked too. Here is the thing though, I DOUBLE checked that the driver's side was unlocked before I even opened my door and as far as I know, the car has never automatically locked.  I'm just wondering if I hit lock out of habit when I got out, but I don't remember doing so, and I can't picture myself doing it.  This has been one of my fears since, forever.  I never did it with Sehara. Thank God that Tim's mom has AAA for us.  The funniest thing about the whole situation is that while we were figuring out our game plan, before Tim got out of the car, I had passed gas and it stank something ferocious.  I cracked the window and never rolled it back up.  Just an inch or so.  So, that's the best thing, because the AAA guy didn't have to jimmy our car and ruin the locks and the car vented out the almost full blasting heat during those 30 minutes of torture. 
After the fact Tim wanted to go home.  Heck no, no way.  I'm sorry, but what a waste of adrenaline. I made him get in line with me and the baby (well covered) and we kicked butt and got what we needed.  After everything, it was worth it.  We saved so much money on that XBox and if we hadn't gotten it we would have been so depressed. I mean, not only that, but they had great deals on some movies!
We got home probably around 3 a.m. and I slept until almost 12, waking up to feed Carson.  Ugh, but something about the day really flared my anxiety.  And then I had a good hour where I couldn't handle anything because Tim changed plans while I had been waiting already and that was a bad situation.
We enjoyed a nice visit at Melanie's, kinda helping her get ready for her dinner, which was fabulous.
So, here I am, I have been home and I have taken a nap and I have woken up in time to write this blog and have it post later. 

Day Sixteen

Oh, Thanksgiving!  Happy thanksgiving everyone!
I woke up sad today.  I really felt ungrateful and depressed.  I didn't have any desire to do anything, I didn't find anything funny or cute or relaxing.  I mean, it doesn't get much meaner than that.  I didn't feel like it was a holiday.  Ugh.  I really don't know why. 
I had some delicious cornbread though.  It was really sweet.
I also got to spend time with Tim's cousins who are pretty cool.

Day Fifteen

Crunch time.  CRUNCH TIME!!  Um.
Ok, Sehara went shopping with her grandmother today then cooked with her.  Some very much needed one on one time.  
I took a nap with...myself.  Turns out Tim didn't even spend some quality time with his kid
Whatever.
We donated some clothes that were older and didn't fit in those big yellow donation things that are on random corners. It gave us some room in our room.
I forgot all about church. So, that was fun.  It twisted my whole day around. 
My day was a lot more meaningful, I just don't care enough to type it all. 

Day Fourteen

I made the best potato soup tonight for dinner.  It's amazing what following a recipe on Pinterest will do.
The SIL and I plan on making some nifty crafts for Christmas!  I am getting excited... BUT HOLD ON SANTA, the turkey must make his appearance first.
We finished off our day by watching the Adjustment Bureau.  I loved it.
OH my GOODNESS, WHERE DID MY POST GO?  It still isn't there. 
If you haven't noticed, I am trying out new titles for my blog.  I don't know what to use.  I will figure it out.
I am entering for kitchenaid appliances. I really want a mixer.  REALLY bad.  When I have my own house, or course.  I mean, I would take it now but it would have to sit in my closet until it gets put on a counter top. :D

Day Thirteen

What's up with Blogger?  haha, It isn't functioning correctly.  Doesn't show my post from yesterday.  I'm not about to write it again.
I wanted to say, and not to any person in particular, it's just been on my mind: I don't have a blog to bash people.  I get mad and I vent, that's just what I do.  I also don't have this here blog to put people on pedestals (can you believe I had to look that word up to spell it!) when it isn't true. I used to suck up to people but that's not what I am about anymore.  I, also, don't put my tail between my legs and whimper in a corner.  I put my crap out there and you take me or you leave me.  I'm not perfect and I make mistakes ALL the time.  I do wrong more than right and I claim most of it, but definitely not all. I love people hard and hold grudges for a LONG time. It's just what I do, that's me.  I hope that my habits will mature and I try to work on them, but then sometimes I couldn't give two craps enough to care to work on them. 
I just can't justify not being myself anymore.
OH MY GOSH, WHERE IS MY DAY TWELVE BLOG!!?
I still cannot find it.
Yesterday, at church, I decided to join my Aunt Dee's class.  It is for high school/college/young adult ladies.  She started on the topic of forgiveness.  I love that topic(because I really suck at doing it and want to justify that about myself) and I also love the topic of honesty.  Anyway, forgiveness is something I studied in my past religion so I'm good at explaining it.
SO, Sehara got a spanking in church last night.  She laughed at me afterwards.  LAUGHED, I tell you.  So I did it a few more times.  Get this, she cracked up so hard she doubled over.  I won't tell you what I did after that because it isn't very nice.
Carson is getting some much needed tummy time.  He was lazy in front of his doctor.  She tried pulling him up by his arms to see if he would control his head and he didn't.  The little booger just let it hang, then smiled.  She told him that he would catch up. But then she sat him up and he did keep his noggin up himself and she said that was perfect.
Have you seen the Paula Deen cooking show?  If so, have you seen her stainless steel measuring cups?  Those suckers are awesome. I want them.

Day Eleven

Eleven is weird to spell.  Have you ever done so?
I decided to relax with Tim and my kiddos today.  It was tough at first because of being so upset with Tim, but he made me work it out.  No more silent treatment for him (today).  It lasted a good four hours.  I can say that one of the best qualities in him is conflict resolution.
Sehara, Carson, and I are watching "Up" right now. She is anyway.  I never saw the end of it so I suppose I'll pay attention really quickly. 
It was super cute!   I am working my way through a bag of dove milk chocolates tonight.  I need to clean up a bit as well.  Everything is messy.
I'm thanking God I didn't have to take Carson back to the pediatrician today,  His problem cleared up.  I know it was a reaction to his shots. I'll bring it up before he gets more. 
Speaking of reactions.  I ate Okra today.  As usual, it is very tasty but it gives me the poops in under two hours.  I won't elaborate on how I know it's the okra.  Use your imagination.  MENTAL IMAGE. 
I need to get off of here and clip my toe nails and take the paint off.  It's nasty looking. 

Day Nine

This whole blogging everyday thing is kind of therapeutic
My day started off with a grumpy baby.  Then, while grumpy baby fussed, I had to fold my fat layers into a girdle to go try on a bridesmaid dress.
My BIL picked me up and we went to my SIL's place to eat lunch, then went on our way to David's Bridal.  By the way, bacon in a grilled cheese sandwich is too good.  Why is it that good?  Like I have said, everything is better with bacon.
Successfully found a dress on take three. Sadly, I am in a size 12, again.  I won't pretend it's just my boobs, because it's my stomach too.  I will lose it, again.
I got back home just in time to be reminded that there was a ladies devo sock exchange at church tonight that I was going to.  I forgot about that, therefore forgot to get a pair of socks to exchange.  Oh well, it's ok. There was a lovely message delivered by Ms. Kayla and good food.  That's all I needed.  Besides a nap.
I am SO TIRED!!  I can't wait to go see my crazy tomorrow.  Three of her kids have the chicken pox though, but she's safe in the hospital so it's ok that we go to see her, Carson and I.   
Tim has his monthly airsoft campout tomorrow night so I'll be going to visit Kayt with Amanda and Sehara + Carson. And Kayt's son will be there.  I think we'll make chocolate bacon and bake some more.
Seems like my laundry is piling up again.  Doing it for four people is crazy.  If you don't keep on top of it it gets to be overwhelming.  Plus, all my clothes are dirty so that's more motivation.
Alrighty then, I am off to bed!  Goodnight.

Day Four

Oh, wonderfuuul day.
We watched a few movies last night with Dan and Amanda and just had a wonderful time.  Then, this morning Tim and I watched another movie.  Basically, we just relaxed.  Tim has been taking care of his Uncle's dogs this weekend.  That was random, huh?
I've been looking up inexpensive Christmas gifts for my ladies.
My little brother asked me his opinion on a tattoo.  Don't do it Daniel, just don't do it.  Really, I have no doubt in my mind that you will regret it later.  Seriously, don't do it.
I absolutely adore hanging out with my babies.  I don't get to see Sehara much during the week because of school.  That's always a downer to public schooling.
I got my SIL hooked on Pinterest. I mean, have you seen that sight?!  I love it.
I am quite tired.  I think this is the best I can do today!

Day Three

Let me just begin by saying that Sehara is indeed sick.  She has strep throat.  Her pediatrician called this morning and let Tim know.  He looks at me and tells me.   I jumped out of the bed and am all like: "oh crap, she's at school!! She's going to get everyone sick!! I have to go get her."  Imagine me all dramatic like, running around the room throwing clothes on, grabbing the keys, kissing my baby and husband and dashing down the stairs.  Third time I have left my baby.  Have we noticed that Jenni hasn't left her baby to do something fun or hang out?  I let Grandmama know what was happening and rushed to the school.  Where I then proceeded to wait about 30 minutes for them to get her.  She was in music class and testing is going on so they can't do an over-com announcement (?).  Her ped. called in the medicine and we picked it up at Kroger.  I do love Kroger.

My neck hurts.  It's like, stiff.  What's up with that?
shooooooooooo. I meant to post this 5 hours ago. 

National Blog Posting Month- Day One

Did you know it is national blog post month?
Read here:   http://www.blogher.com/novembers-nablopomo-national-blog-posting-month 
Apparently, you are supposed to blog, for blogging sake.  There is no theme.  Well, I have already missed the grand prize by 9 days, but hey, it wouldn't hurt would it?  That is, to get a post in everyday for the rest of this month!
Today I think I will blog about my latest adventure.  It was an hour ago, to rite aid.  Horrible.  I went to get my free photos and didn't think that maybe I should take my email confirmations, you know, because all this technology we have these days.  Turns out, Rite Aid doesn't let their employees know when things are already rung up free.  We just drove 10 miles out of the way to get them, no biggie.  The lady there just couldn't imagine what I meant by promotional code and free.  SO, I am going to print my confirmation emails out and get my free photos, even if it isn't worth it now with gas.  BUT, Tim and I decided that to kind of even it out, he would make an account with them and upload some photos and get the same deal, then print his confirmation email out, and we'd drive our happy butts right back up there and get them!
We'll do that tomorrow morning.
Turns out there is another RiteAid right down the road.  Hey, I'm not from here, and it didn't say "Fairborn", it said "Enon".  Didn't know Enon was literally right down the road... I only recognized "Xenia" and clicked that.
Sehara lost a tooth today! She woke me up at 6 a.m. to chat about it. Fun, fun.

It's been a while!

Well!  Heller there! Haven't been here in a while.
It's nice to get a break from things. Not that I work hard at my blog to get a break....
Sehara was Sharpay for Halloween and Carson was a lion. We had fun and did some pumpkin carving, a harvest cookout and trick or treating. Sehara got a ton of candy for me!  I mean, herself.  She doesn't need all of that, and the weirdest thing is Tim is guarding her candy from me.  Why is he doing this?!!  Probably eating it all when I go to sleep.
We have a PTC at Sehara's school tomorrow.  I almost dread it!  She has gotten in more trouble than ever lately.  I know her teacher is just going to lay into that!  AND I know sehara isn't telling me the WHOLE truth about these situations.
Carson is a sweet little boy!  He is getting so chubby.  I just love it!  He has been smiling so big for a few weeks now. :) He also snorts like the little piggy he is when he gets upset.
And I think I am sick. My throat is killing me.  I hope I don't have strep, but I have a bad feeling.  Or it could be a sinus infection?!

Once again, I seem to start writing posts and I don't publish them.  I guess this one was kind of pointless anyway.  I feel better!  It's Friday now.  I wrote all that stuff Tuesday or Wednesday.  Tim and I had a parent teacher conference at Sehara's school last night.  She said S is doing great and has A's in all areas except reading.  She said S is a little behind there, but had a B, which is unusual.  The only thing negative she had to say was about S's behavior.  She's very chatty and seeks attention.  We have to work at this at home because I don't want her to be "that kid" and I really want her to get as much out of her school as she can, positively.

I just found out that I get to go to Kentucky today!!! WOOOOOO HOOOOOOO.  Gotta pack, chat at you lata!