Not Such A Good Memory

I've had trouble sleeping lately. My mind is filled with all these memories and I keep replaying them over and over again.
Most definitely, they are brought on by my kids. I observe their growth all day and I bask in the utmost fulfillment of every emotion they give me. They range in obsession, love, anger, joy, hurt, disappointment, pride. All those things, plus. They certainly don't know how to give  me nothing. In Tim, too. Even on our worst days, he's the bees knees. The peanut to my butter. I see all this and wonder many things. I wonder how parents (mother's especially) can abandon their kids.
One of my memories starts with my (bio) dad sitting on his stool at the counter in the kitchen. The part of the counter that doesn't really belong to the kitchen, it's more for the phone and calendar. I remember his startling blue eyes looking worried and staring at the calendar. I think he was smoking. I can't remember that part. I know he and my (bio) mom had court that morning. I had been home from school for a little while when they got back. I got back from school and no one was home, a really eerie feeling. She disappeared somewhere, frantic with the phone. It's all really a blur.
He said that everything was fine. I've always been a worrier, or felt guilty about anything. I can remember knowing how much money my dad brought home on paydays and I always knew how much they spent and around about what they had left, and that stress got bad after a few days. I always waited for it.
Between then and not much longer later, these cars pulled in the driveway, parked there and in the cul de sac, some of them police cars. We lived on RedRock Court. I saw our social worker's face, as I got in the back of her car. I'm pretty sure her name was Linda. All of us were taken to Home of the Innocents. We were checked in on the first day they opened.

Just writing this down has gotten it out of my head. I waited a good week before I remembered, and I have debated whether to post any of this. BUT, I'm just going to go ahead and do it. Besides, I feel so relieved now. It's down and I can look at it when I want.