Playing Catch-Up

So, I have had a bad day. No, I don't really want to talk about it, but then again maybe I do. I don't want to talk about what's wrong but just know that it caused some sort of breakdown-kinda-day, a ton of tears (caught in action at church...had to leave quick), a lot of long naps, and a huge headache.

Throw in a few fun dip sticks (way better than the loose sugar that comes with them) and a half bag of Chester's flamin' hot fries and my comfort food buried my problems a little deeper.

This is the time where I would run to Kentucky, to my parent's house, but they have their own things going on and I want to visit when Sehara gets out of school.  That's at the end of this month and I can wait that long.

Tim took Carson with him to his brother's apartment so I could get a break from his crying. He just keeps crying and crying and whining.  I don't know if it's his teeth, if I'm not producing enough milk and he's hungry, or if he is just a crybaby.  I hope it is his teeth, but if he's hungry that won't be an issue for long because I plan on weaning him to formula soon.  I might have to hand him over for a day or two or just suck it up and do it myself.  It's going to be horrible.

I've been spending my time lately watching a lot of Private Practice on Netflix, trying to lose weight, trying to get Sehara to behave, feeding Carson new foods, re-evaluating how I feel about people, trying to not post mean facebook statuses about other people, texting and chatting online with good friends I haven't spoken to in a while, debating whether or not to delete my facebook, and watering strawberry plants that I think aren't going to make it.

I really need to find a good recipe for those fried dill pickles. Have you tasted them? Oh, divine.

I have a cradle-roll song STUCK in my head. "I'm glad I am a pretty butterfly..." and I'm thinking it's time for it to get un-stuck, even though it's an adorable song.

I'm a Genius

I really am, but to be fair, this post isn't really about me, it's about a boy named Carson. 

Tim and I (along with Grandmama) have really been struggling to get Carson to eat baby and table food. He refuses.  He doesn't even know how to drink from a bottle or sippy cup.

To back-track, he JUST started drinking from his sippy on Wednesday night, and he drank from a bottle (breastmilk) for his Grandmother on Monday so his mommy and daddy could go see The Avengers.

We started Carson out on vegetables.  Green beans and peas, with a week or two in between.  He refused to eat any of it, he literally stuck out his tongue and spit it out each time.

I was sitting next to Carson on the floor a few weeks ago, licking on a sucker.  I didn't pay attention to him or my sucker for a while and next thing I know, he's attacking it.  He couldn't get enough of it, but I don't want him to have sweets yet so I took it away and he threw a full out fit!

A light went off in my head.  I have been so busy thinking about vegetables only that I had not even considered giving him sweet fruits.  To be honest, I didn't want him to eat fruits until he stopped nursing, but I'm not opposed to adapting my plan and trying something new.

Linda, from church had suggesting someone else feeding him (besides me) so he wouldn't want milk instead.  Grandmama took a jar of bananas and Carson and he ate half of it in one sitting.  I seriously am so happy he's eating something!  We have also been giving him peaches and he LOVES his peaches.

Lately, though, he wants the spoon while we are feeding him.  I really don't mind him getting dirty and I WANT him to feed himself as early as possible, but it's just a huge waste of time, clothes, and food to give him a spoonful of whatever.  It's gotten to where he won't eat at all because he's too busy worrying about getting the spoon.  I tried giving him a separate spoon but he wouldn't have it.

Today, out of the blue, I thought 'why not give him something solid to eat while I feed him this mush?'  I had some sweet potato puffs that he choked on at Easter, so I grabbed one little star puff and broke it into 5 little pieces and set them on his tray.  I wasn't even aware that his fine motor skills were that developed.  He was able to concentrate on getting those to his mouth (keeping them in was a different story) and I was able to feed him.

I know that this may seem trivial in all the things that I could possibly post about, but it's such a big milestone to Carson, and a relief to me! 

I've Had Enough

There is something I have been thinking about for a while and I need to get it off my mind.

There is a line between being strict or stern and being mean.  I'm not sure how thick or fine it is, but there is no reason it should be crossed when you're dealing with an 8 year old (or around that age or my children, period).  I cross it all the time with Sehara, but I am her mom and I am around her the most.  There is no reason anyone else in this world should step over that line and snap at my child or say bad things about her or physically touch her in a negative way, and that includes pulling her arm.

I am so sick of it.  I understand people can get frustrated with her pretty quickly, I get it. Like I said, I have been around her most and I really do understand.  That still doesn't justify stepping over that line, no matter how frustrated you are.  There is nothing wrong with Corrective Feedback and I urge people to give that to Sehara but anything else is inappropriate and will not be tolerated.

I see it most at Church, and it breaks my heart and pisses me off at the same time.  Church should be a safe place...

I have my backbone again and I fully plan on saying how I feel about it if anyone chooses to act on their frustration. You really have been forewarned, korny as that sounds.

Wordless Wednesday

Carson Plays With His Doggie

He keeps me entertained all day.  He is 5 months old and almost had a tooth through. :) He can grab things and recognizes people. He loves to smile and laugh.  He LOVES to hear his voice and hear how loud he can get. He is most definitely a talker.

Here it Goes, Again...

If you aren't used to my angry blog posts, then you may not want to read this. Actually, if you have read one of them, you may  not want to read this...

I've tried to take a step back from all these different situations and look at them objectively, but that's bull crap. You can't do that.

I used to curse, a lot. Then I became mormon and stopped, except for the occasional slip up. When I stopped being mormon, I barely cursed at all.  There was no need for it, I had learned my lesson and I grew up. I am insinuating that cursing comes with immaturity, yes. This is going somewhere, trust me.  When I met Tim I knew he was a keeper by a lot of different things, one of them being his lack of using profanity.  I admired that.  Unfortunately, I do have a really bad habit of letting them loose when I am so livid that I just can't take it anymore.  That's lack of self control.

It takes a lot to control what comes out of your mouth when you're beyond mad, and not just those words, also things that may be hurtful...  I still do curse when I get to that point, but not even close to what it was even a year ago. I JUST GET SO MAD.  I'll own up to it.

In my mind, that doesn't justify making it okay to curse in front of my children, ever.  I used to, but I'm a better person now.

Anyway, I got called the big "B" word in front of my husband, Sehara, and Carson on Sunday.  It was definitely not called for and that girl was completely wrong.  Look, I own up to my crap and I'll apologize when I know I'm wrong, but I wasn't wrong in this situation.  I was trying to teach Sehara shopping cart etiquette (I made that up) and I was telling her to say "excuse me" when we got in the way or needed to go around someone.

Ugh. I had just put Carson back in the cart in his carseat, Tim had just gotten off work, and Sehara had one hand on the side (we are still on that phase...) and we were rounding the corner. This girl about my age with a guy around the same age clearly sees us and almost runs into us.  She had the "You move out of my way" tattitude. I said the "excuse me" and "oh, I'm sorry" and she gives me the dirtiest look, ever.  Okay.  So I said "Wow, thanks for being rude". 

"You're the rude one, B___"

Uh-uh.  I whipped around and yelled at her that "I was the one that said I was sorry" and she kept walking. Chicken.  Look, I don't go out looking for fights, but I won't stand for that ish.  That pissed me off soooo badly.  What a skank.  I tried to play it off like she probably had a bad day because she was looking raunchy before we almost collided.

The biggest problem that I had with it was she did it in front of Sehara and Sehara caught it and asked me if I had heard "that girl call you the b word, I can't believe she did that" all night long.

I firmly believe that you should move out of the way for the elderly, for handicapped people (fat people don't count) and people who are pregnant and/or have babies with them.  I do it and I expect that other people should do it, too.  I'm sick of inconsiderate people.  I've absolutely had enough.

A Bit of Humor

Maybe dry humor, but funny to me!! I lay awake a lot and funny things pop in my head. I'd like to share them.
Enjoy! :)

Being Depressed & Sick

I have heard a lot of wish-wash about people not thinking the brain and body are connected, as in being emotionally distressed and that affecting a body's physical response isn't true.

That's fine, because that's their opinion.  I've heard what I would call "smart people" say this to me. Needless to say, after I hear this come from a person's mouth, I no longer think of them as a resourcefully smart person. I think of them as someone who likes to talk and happens to sound smart when, in fact, they aren't.

Sure, factual information still comes from them time-to-time, but I'll always double check that info. They invalidate themselves to me.

Here is how I personally know:
I have a probably very common positive feedback loop (derh, but maybe it's a negative feedback loop??) where when one thing alters in your body, your brain sends out signals to fix it, but ends up causing it to get worse, blah blah. It's biology so I'm not sure I'm describing it correctly. No matter. It all leads to Homeostasis anyway.  Being in labor is an example of a positive feedback loop that ends nicely, you know, with a baby.

I have been on antibiotics for the past 8 days for these two huge massive(redundant) pimples I have that wouldn't pop (and I thought they could be MRSA, but they weren't, but they sucked so I had to get them looked at) and I've noticed the past 4 or 5 days I have been getting these overwhelming headaches.

Then I started noticing I'd get the headaches an hour or two after I took the antibiotics (not sure what that means) and then it got to where I couldn't move my eyeballs without pain (we have 6 muscles around our eyes to look in different directions- attached to them). Obviously, something was happening to make those muscles sore.

I started getting sleepier and sleepier and sadder and more sad. A few things happened that helped along with that sadness, but I'll have to write another post on those. Before I know it (this is Wednesday night) I feel so depressed that I can't help but to picture every possible way I wish I could die that wasn't suicidal so I can still go to heaven.

It's that bad.  Even Carol from church was asking me if I was alright.  What am I going to say?

About 10 p.m., I'm in such a funk that I just laid in bed and stared at the t.v.  Carson got hungry so I fed him and we both fell asleep.

You know  how this goes... I wake up feeling disgusting. It just escalates more and, oops, I forgot to take my antibiotics. So I do, then in another hour I wake up and it's nasty. I can't move, took my temperature...100.5. It literally causes severe pain to more my eyes and I can't sleep. My lower back is killing me, I'm freezing and burning up at the same time.

I go all day like this.  I think to myself that if I am indeed sick, I most certainly do not need to add to my pain with these medications so I stop the antibiotics two days short. Whatever, I have always forgotten the last two days. If my pimples don't go away completely, I'll call them George and Berdine and give them a place to live.

I feel better as the day goes on, my temperature gets higher for a while, levels out, and now it's a little below normal.  I rarely get a fever.

Around 12/1 a.m., I'm laying in bed and my head is like *ding-ding*. No wonder I was depressed and I got sick.  Well, mostly the sick part. It's been so long since I've really been sick-sick as opposed to 12/24-hour bugs. When I get really depressed/sad about something I always get so sick. I have been pregnant and postpartum for the past forever so I have forgotten to listen to my body.  Being Depressed and Sick go hand in hand for me.

Remember, the chemicals in our bodies during pregnancy are very different than when we aren't pregnant, so while something  makes sense before or after, it may not be true during pregnancy.

I'm sure being depressed goes together for a lot of other people as well. It's what our body has to sometimes do. Well, I know for people who experience true chronic depression and anxiety like me, it does. Maybe I'm wrong, but I sure don't like to feel alone in this world.

There is a flip side as well, but I don't need to go into ten shortened paragraphs rant for that in this post.

I'm just trying to draw the picture that there is a mind-body or brain and body connection (but really it's kind of like a behavioral  thing) and it's not rocket science, it's actually biology, or physiology, or immunology.  There are studies that show you can "think yourself well", whether it be through a placebo or through purposeful psychoneuroimmunology. Say that 10 times fast, then google it.

Anyway, my point is that being depressed is a huge sign that I'm getting sick, but it's more complicated than that because I am always depressed, just sometimes sad. SO, I guess, being sad is a huge sign that I am getting sick.  When I'm not on my beloved medicine, like right now, I really can't decipher those times. Makes me think I need to pay more attention to my body.

As for those antibiotics, I don't know what happened. I've never had that problem and I know that it wasn't a coincidence. Maybe my body couldn't handle those few things at once?

I'm curious to hear others thoughts on this.

Wordless Wednesday

Stylish Wants

Chanel-SPRING-2012-RTW-podium-024_runway

Kardashian Madformetallics jacket

Chanel Spring 2012

Here is the link to my Stylish wants of Jan.  Sorry for the double posts! I do know that they get annoying... :)