Being Honest

I've had a rough few days, let me tell you about them.

I've tried really hard to stop being passive-aggressive (especially on facebook) and I've done a great job. Life is tough and sometimes I think in facebook statuses (lame, but I'm sure I'm not the only one...)

I bought 100 bow cards from Vista Print. They were awesome. Sunday morning, Carson did the exact opposite of what Sehara and I both told him to do and spilled tea all over them. It was the first time I'd "officially" purchased some professional physical branding item. I was disappointed in him and a little angry.

Sehara laid them all out before church (they had the little wet wrinkles in them) and they were dry by them time we got home. So, we stacked them up and put some heavy things on top and they are fine. Crises averted. But he was horrible during services, and I ended up with 5 extra kids in my Sunday School class, which wasn't so bad except Sehara was in the other class, part of the 5 I ended up with and she was chatty and obnoxious. We had to leave early, I just couldn't do it. I'm officially drained!

I entered a contest for a free hour-long photo session with some free photos and a print, I thought I had a chance if I put up a professional photo: MY PHOTO, the one I PAID for, with MY children on a different photography site. I didn't feel weird about it, I didn't even think it could be awkward until someone commented on it, tagging the photographer who took it (whom I adore) and said ".......look familiar?"  Ok, So I messaged the photographer, who I am coming to think of as a friend and she said no worries. Great!

But it set me in a weird mood. And then the other girl deleted her comment. Hey, if you aren't going to vote, don't bother commenting! Turns out, after 2 hours, I realized there was no way we were going to win (I mean, right now, the lead has 188 likes and I have 31! HA!). That's why I don't compete, ever! I don't feel upset about it, I just got excited to see what she'd have to offer, and see how her photos are different than any other I have bought.  I'm actually a little embarrassed.

BUT, don't feel bad, we already have 3 shoots booked with Folino Photography.

That's loyalty. In case anyone was wondering.

We moved, and it's been a wonderful mess. We had some friends come over to help move, and a few family members, and a few friends come over the day after to help out. Then a family member took the kids on her birthday (What a Big Heart!), and someone else came over a few times and that ended up in confusion. But, that's IT. NONE of my family came up (even though I asked) and no more help from Tim's family. This has been a solo ride. Yes, I know big things have happened on both of our sides, but when you sit back and look at how everyone goes out of their way for everyone else and not you, it becomes a problem (and we're definitely included in the people who go out of our way). I haven't even bothered asking anyone to take the kids because the past few times have ended in No's.  (Quite Frankly, my feelings are deeply hurt but it doesn't matter..)

On the 2 days my kids go to their Grandmother's, one day I have Ladie's Class, and then the other day I HAVE to get bow orders done(I generally try when the kids go to bed and stay up until 2 or 3 but it isn't the same and I need sunlight!), or stop and go quick shopping that's a pain when you have to get two kids in and out of car-seats.

Having our own home has been a BLESSING. Carson had calmed down and he's starting to show soft affection again. With space, Madeline has taken off with walking and she's stared talking(not sure space is involed in that). Going to Grandmother's helps with that, too. She can teach them anything, and Madeline adores her!

SO, I'm super tired. All of the time. I'm not complaining, I'm just tired. Because I'm tired and my schedule is so messed up, I can't go to sleep when I need to. When has that ever happened in the history of me? I can normally find any spot and lay my head down and fall asleep whenever I please.

I think of a few blog-post ideas daily and I write them out in my head and I HAVE to remember to put a pad of paper in my purse and beside the bed so I can write them down. This page would be much more interesting if I did and people might actually get to see the real me.

I have had so much fun creating new bows, and getting a flood of pictures of babies wearing them. That's been an upper. Hanging up photos that have been stored for years is a huge deal, AND finally printing recent ones is so nice. It makes booking a bunch of photo sessions worth it! :)

I thought that maybe writing about how that girl commented on the photo would help me get over it, but it hasn't. I'm still upset about it. I understand she was probably looking out for her friend, but I didn't steal the picture, so I dunno... But, I guess from that perspective, I feel a little better. 

I know there's going to be some sort of backlash to this post, somewhere and it's not my intention to hurt anyone's feelings and I'm not being passive-aggressive, I'm just trying to be honest. If I wanted to hurt people, I would hint around and say more and not be clear but that's not my goal.
I have to take back my corner in the blogging world and going around pretending my life is a walk in a field of flowers would be a lie, and I'm not up for lying. I just want to be me.

24 Week Baby Bump

I meant to take a 23 week picture because 23 weeks is a milestone into the 6th month and the last month of the second trimester (yay!!) but I never felt like doing it.  It was a rough and depressing week.

24 weeks, 2 days

 SO here I am, halfway into my 24th week and I'm ready to talk about it. :)  I am experiencing a lot of anxiety and sadness lately.  Really, when you think about it, it's probably to be expected with being in a new town, finding completely new doctors, getting Sehara's schedule set, meeting my new family and becoming friends with them.  Oh, and going to church on Wednesdays and twice on Sundays, getting to know those folks.  Mostly, the biggest problem I am having is keeping my blood sugar up.  It's a balance and I can't figure it out.  I know that I do very well if I eat eggs, turkey bacon, and a slice or two of toast and then wait until 11:30 to eat anything sweet.  After that I can't figure it out, or it all gets screwed up if I don't eat the eggs.  I don't get it.  I can't have sugar too early, but then if I wait I get so sick.  Really, if that's it, if that is the worst thing about being pregnant, then I will take it.  Because think about all those who can't even eat without medicine every day.  That would stink.  The one other thing that just popped up the day before yesterday is... *drum roll*... back pain.  My back doesn't really ever hurt.  I do have hip and neck problems and occasionally feel the need to pop my back, but I'm getting uncomfortable. 
The best(est) thing about pregnancy is feeling my little baby boy move.  In one of the books I am reading it shows a picture of what he looks like in the uterus, and he's already running out of room.  I can tell too, his movements are STRONG.  Sehara wasn't this hardcore about kicking me around. When I sit down, he is all in my ribs.  It is definitely a different feeling, and like I just said, Sehara didn't go near my ribs at all, that I can remember.  I feel like I am getting to know him.  I know that will all change when he's here, but it's nice to know that I have a head start before I have to share him with the world.
Okay, so I am reading out of three books.  The first is "What To Expect When You're Expecting", the second is "Mayo Clinic: Guide To A Healthy Pregnancy", and the third is "Your Pregnancy week by week".  The last two I am borrowing from my cousin Melanie.  Whenever I refer to what I have read, it's come from these books.  Well, and maybe some websites...
I have my first OB/GYN appointment with my new OB this Friday.  I'm secretly wishing that he does a get-to-know-you ultrasound, but I will not hold my breath on that.  He said he will have to examine me this visit and I welcome that.  I interviewed him a few weeks ago and I think I really like him.  Time shall tell.  This is not going to be our last baby, so... I'll be needing him in the future.

A Little Update

The first week in Fairborn has gone by smoothly. I have gotten upset about a few things, such as having to take a written drivers test on Ohio driving laws in order to change my license (I have not done this and don't plan on it for a while) and something else that I can't remember right now.  The theater prices are substantially higher than any other movie theater I have EVER been to and things like getting a cup of ice aren't as convenient as they once were. A lot of some problems I am having has everything to do with me not knowing the area yet and having lack of freedom because of that.  I can't even trust myself to drive to a gas station!  It will change.... I've asked Tim to let me drive some places, like to church by following his passenger directions, but that is a challenge because he forgets that I don't know where I am going and neglects to tell me the next turn. 
I love where we are staying and I love my new grandparents!  We are staying in their huge guest bedroom and Sehara has the room right across the hallway.  This place is so much better than where we were staying last.  We have complete freedom, but are encouraged to dive right into family time whenever possible.  Grandmama makes like every meal for us (!!!!) and LOVES to do it.  I have found it is easier to eat when I don't have the stress of cooking as well.  I think I may have gained a pound in this week.  Not bad considering the make-up my body has to do for my little baby boy and Tim is delighted that my appetite has increased.  We are in walking distance of my mother-in-law and new brothers, my new cousin Melanie and her little family, and her parents.  Sehara's bus stop is right in the middle of all of us so we usually walk to Melanie's house everyday after we get her off.  I have kept Melanie's 11 month old son, Gabriel, a few times this week so she can get some school work done.  He is a delight!! I love that boy so much.  I sometimes just keep him a little longer than she needs me to so I can get some more practice in.  Gabriel adores Tim, and Tim adores him right back (so does Sehara but she makes me nervous).

22 Weeks!!

So today, I was thinking that I hadn't yet taken my 21 week picture and thought maybe I would just take it really quickly and post it... then I thought, hold on, today I am 22 weeks!!!  How exciting.  This week has gone by so fast.  As you can see, I have that little baby bump.  Actually, depending on my clothes, I do sometimes just look like a chubby person, or one of those nasty hill-billy swollen belly-skinny-legs people.  I have gotten belly rubs already, and I don't mind (yet).  I do have my strategies when I start getting annoyed and I think if people don't pick up on them, I'll classify them as "stupid" and avoid them.  Family is different though!

Tim bought the movie "The Business of Being Born" from Amazon about a week ago.  We just wanted to see different aspects of birth so we can prepare ourselves for what WE want and how we want this baby to come into the world...if we can.  I understand things happen beyond our control and we'll prepare for those options as well (i.e., I've been reading articles from moms who had emergency C-sections, and how they could have prepared themselves if they could go back...what to take, how to rearrange your bedroom...) but what we want isn't so far off.  It's just what my body should be able to do and we'll see if it does.  Anyway, the movie was pretty good.  It was more of a movie advocating midwifery usage.  My only problem with it was the 5 or 6 curse words it had, which means that Sehara can't watch it (if she wanted to and I don't think she would).
I think this blog is long enough! There is still more I would like to write about, but the time will come for that soon enough. :)