Just the worst...

Okay, If you don't appreciate my bowel movements, don't read this. You'll be scarred for life.  But, then you'll also miss the funniest  post I've probably ever written.

I'm going to take a shortcut here.  This is a message I wrote to my friend explaining the situation (yes, I tell my amigos all about my poopies):

omg, I can't even text this, bc it'll hurt my fingers! I just had the WORST mommy moment EVER. (lol, seriously). So, here I am sitting on the bed with Carson and I feel that spikey caterpillar feeling in my belly, like I'm going to have raunchy gas or the worst blowout ever. I hold my breath and wait for it to pass. It passes, then I immediately feel the blow out about to happen. Like, I better run. RUN, I tell you. WELL, right at that moment, Carson decides to choke. Wonderful, right? Naturally, I grab him and run for the toilet. I don't even know how I got my pants down in time. SEriously, I don't remember. I'm banging on his back and crapping at the same time. Then, get this, he's hungry. And my butt is still exploding. So, I pull up my shirt and put my booby in his mouth. He's making these nasty faces the whole time and all I could say was "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" bc you know that was grossest thing he's ever smelled. I get done, and Tim's still not home from getting Sehara, so I'm all like, what do I do? Do I put him on the floor to wipe or do I wait. I figured I had done enough damage, so I waited. Ugh. UGH. HORRIBLE. I've probably traumatized him from the toilet/potty training. Good thing their memory is similar to those of goldfish! 

 

Anyway, you can judge me, because how horrible am I?!?!  Just a bad experience.   The worst part is that I know my poor baby will have some serious cramps and blow outs himself and that's sad to think about.  Because it's all my fault, because I've eaten something that my body hates, and so will his.