I have heard a lot of wish-wash about people not thinking the brain and body are connected, as in being emotionally distressed and that affecting a body's physical response isn't true.
That's fine, because that's their opinion. I've heard what I would call "smart people" say this to me. Needless to say, after I hear this come from a person's mouth, I no longer think of them as a resourcefully smart person. I think of them as someone who likes to talk and happens to sound smart when, in fact, they aren't.
Sure, factual information still comes from them time-to-time, but I'll always double check that info. They invalidate themselves to me.
Here is how I personally know:
I have a probably very common positive feedback loop (derh, but maybe it's a negative feedback loop??) where when one thing alters in your body, your brain sends out signals to fix it, but ends up causing it to get worse, blah blah. It's biology so I'm not sure I'm describing it correctly. No matter. It all leads to Homeostasis anyway. Being in labor is an example of a positive feedback loop that ends nicely, you know, with a baby.
I have been on antibiotics for the past 8 days for these two huge massive(redundant) pimples I have that wouldn't pop (and I thought they could be MRSA, but they weren't, but they sucked so I had to get them looked at) and I've noticed the past 4 or 5 days I have been getting these overwhelming headaches.
Then I started noticing I'd get the headaches an hour or two after I took the antibiotics (not sure what that means) and then it got to where I couldn't move my eyeballs without pain (we have 6 muscles around our eyes to look in different directions- attached to them). Obviously, something was happening to make those muscles sore.
I started getting sleepier and sleepier and sadder and more sad. A few things happened that helped along with that sadness, but I'll have to write another post on those. Before I know it (this is Wednesday night) I feel so depressed that I can't help but to picture every possible way I wish I could die that wasn't suicidal so I can still go to heaven.
It's that bad. Even Carol from church was asking me if I was alright. What am I going to say?
About 10 p.m., I'm in such a funk that I just laid in bed and stared at the t.v. Carson got hungry so I fed him and we both fell asleep.
You know how this goes... I wake up feeling disgusting. It just escalates more and, oops, I forgot to take my antibiotics. So I do, then in another hour I wake up and it's nasty. I can't move, took my temperature...100.5. It literally causes severe pain to more my eyes and I can't sleep. My lower back is killing me, I'm freezing and burning up at the same time.
I go all day like this. I think to myself that if I am indeed sick, I most certainly do not need to add to my pain with these medications so I stop the antibiotics two days short. Whatever, I have always forgotten the last two days. If my pimples don't go away completely, I'll call them George and Berdine and give them a place to live.
I feel better as the day goes on, my temperature gets higher for a while, levels out, and now it's a little below normal. I rarely get a fever.
Around 12/1 a.m., I'm laying in bed and my head is like *ding-ding*. No wonder I was depressed and I got sick. Well, mostly the sick part. It's been so long since I've really been sick-sick as opposed to 12/24-hour bugs. When I get really depressed/sad about something I always get so sick. I have been pregnant and postpartum for the past forever so I have forgotten to listen to my body. Being Depressed and Sick go hand in hand for me.
Remember, the chemicals in our bodies during pregnancy are very different than when we aren't pregnant, so while something makes sense before or after, it may not be true during pregnancy.
I'm sure being depressed goes together for a lot of other people as well. It's what our body has to sometimes do. Well, I know for people who experience true chronic depression and anxiety like me, it does. Maybe I'm wrong, but I sure don't like to feel alone in this world.
There is a flip side as well, but I don't need to go into ten shortened paragraphs rant for that in this post.
I'm just trying to draw the picture that there is a mind-body or brain and body connection (but really it's kind of like a behavioral thing) and it's not rocket science, it's actually biology, or physiology, or immunology. There are studies that show you can "think yourself well", whether it be through a placebo or through purposeful psychoneuroimmunology. Say that 10 times fast, then google it.
Anyway, my point is that being depressed is a huge sign that I'm getting sick, but it's more complicated than that because I am always depressed, just sometimes sad. SO, I guess, being sad is a huge sign that I am getting sick. When I'm not on my beloved medicine, like right now, I really can't decipher those times. Makes me think I need to pay more attention to my body.
As for those antibiotics, I don't know what happened. I've never had that problem and I know that it wasn't a coincidence. Maybe my body couldn't handle those few things at once?
I'm curious to hear others thoughts on this.
3 comments:
Hey Jenni,
When Suzanne had Ophie she went through some pretty severe postpartum. It didn't help that I was working, we had a cross country move loaming ahead of us, etc, etc. But it's a tough thing to deal with. I remember being ill just because we shared the same bed and thus, the same chemicals/hormones.
This is the way I looked at it: When she was prego she had this other little being producing the "feel good" chemicals inside of her, as well as her own. Then that was, literally, ripped away from her. It takes a long time to get to normal.
I can relate to the depression that comes along with sickness. For example, I'm taking a pills now to help with back issues I have. I'm not normally a pill popper, but I have to these days. Not only is the pain a failure of me and my body (when I consider myself strong and capable) but taking the pills is an admittance of that failure, exacerbating that feeling of defeat. I broke down because of it. And have been feeling, well like a fraud. Like who I am and who I portray myself to be is a falsehood because of the underlying pain. Completely insane, I know, but it is what it is.
If I had advice I would give it. But I don't really know how to deal with it all, besides just taking the time to do things that make me feel accomplished. I can understand Jenni, and I hope that it gets better for you.
Best Wishes,
Fred, or Finn, or that one guy that use to be your neighbor.
So sorry Jenn. I had depression real bad after I had Benjamin and I totally think there was a mind factor what worked with or responded to the body/hormonal issues. It is hard to differentiate which came first. It was scary for me, because I was lucky enough to not have experienced depression before that point. During that time I would imagine what would happen if I drove off the interstate while driving fast. The vulgar scene would play through my head. I did similar things about falling down the stairs with the baby, etc. It wasn't that I wanted to die or hurt my baby, I just couldn't stop thinking about them. I had no idea what was happening to my mind or body, but I also had severe migraines and back pain. It was scary. So yes, there is very much so a connection. I'll be praying for you dear friend. Emily
Fredley & Em, I spent years in counseling at Berea with Ellen for struggling with being sad and trying to deal with my emotions while juggling a baby, and work on top of schoolwork before I could even accept that maybe medicine is what I needed. She really didn't want me to need to have it either and spent a great amount of time with coping skills. I come from a long line of depression and I wanted to be an exception to that line.
It takes a lot to recognize that and act on it. It took forever to find medication that was right for me.
Now, when I really do need it more it's just taking too long, with too many other things happening and it's a domino effect.
I really appreciate you all commenting. While it isn't great to go through these things, it is a relief to know that I'm not the only one.. :)
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